Hilarity of Spam

Nobody likes spam. It’s annoying, it takes up too much of your time and good comments/emails get mixed in with the bad stuff and you inadvertently delete it and get yelled at later for missing something important. (Okay, fine, you really just find a great coupon for a pair of boots that you’ve been wanting and get sad that it ended up in your spam folder and you totally missed the sale.)

However, I get some GREAT spam comments on occasion and if they sneak past my filter, I’ll sometimes take out the spammy links and let them stand. Which I’m sure jacks up my spam filter, throws off the algorithms and makes the world wobble on its axis, so I don’t do this all the time. But there is a treasure trove on wonderfulness in that spam filter and while I can’t let them all stand, I certainly wish I could.

I also like to imagine them as if they are regular people.

Like Tamber, who said:

November 3, 2011 at 10:34 pm
You have more useful info than the British had cloioens pre-WWII.

Honey, it’s sweet that you took time out of studying for your art history final, but based on comments like that, you’re gonna fail. 

************

And then there’s Tess who was feeling a little snarky when she said:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 11:01 pm | In reply to Josephine.

Just cause it’s simlpe doesn’t mean it’s not super helpful.

That’s very true, sweetie.   Very true.  But let’s ease up on the ‘tude.  I like Josephine better than you, so WATCH OUT.

************

Gracye wasn’t so nice either:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 10:00 pm | In reply to Ali.

I actually found this more etentraiinng than James Joyce.

That’s not exactly a compliment.  I find my period more entertaining that James Joyce and I don’t find that comment-worthy.

************

Staysha was confused, probably because her name is spelled stupidly:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 9:52 pm

Walking in the presence of ganits here. Cool thinking all around!

I agree!  Unless you just misspelled “gnats.”  Then I disagree.  And think you’re a heifer.

************

Terry also falls prey to typing errors:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 11:07 pm

Many many quality pniots there.

If he meant points, he is correct, sir.  If he meant pinots, he is also correct — BUT, only if he means pinot grigio and not pinot noir.

None of your jammy, tannin-laden red wines will be drunk HERE, mister!!!

************

Christina made me feel stupid:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 9:40 pm | In reply to Jennifer.

Alaakzaam-information found, problem solved, thanks!

Totally read that as Azkaban.  There is something wrong with me.

************

THIS?  This is the way to my heart:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 9:36 pm | In reply to kindofamess.

I’m out of laeuge here. Too much brain power on display!

The spammer’s name?  BUFFY.  Obviously a sign of superior taste and awesomeness.

************

One of my very favorites; Bertha has some issues:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 9:29 pm | In reply to Torie.

This free sharing of information seems too good to be true. Like commuinsm.

Bertha wrote this in an American flag t-shirt with a soaring eagle and possibly a howling wolf on it.

While drinking a brew and listenin’ to Rush. (Limbaugh or the band, take your pick.)

‘MERICA!!!!!!

************

Oh Bonner:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 8:01 pm | In reply to kindofamess.

Wow I must coensfs you make some very trenchant points.

You say I make trenchant points and CONFESS is the word you can’t spell?

Product of Montessori schooling, right there.

************

Karinthia is my new favorite.

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 7:34 pm | In reply to Erin.
Well mcadamaia nuts, how about that.

I’m stealing that phrase.

************

Jennabel is not as clever as she thinks.

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 8:55 pm | In reply to cransell.

Call me wind because I am abosultely blown away.

Would we REALLY call you wind?  Because wind does blow, but if something is blown away, wouldn’t it be something that is blown BY the wind?  Like leaves?  Or a bag?  Can I call you a grocery bag, because you’re blown away?  Would you be a specific brand of bag?  Do you prefer Wal-Mart or Target? Shouldn’t you really be recycled, and not blown away?  Do we even know what I’m talking about anymore?  What’s happening?  Where am I?  Who are YOU??  Where are my knee-caps?!!?

************

And finally, Coltin:

Submitted on 2011/11/03 at 11:00 pm | In reply to sez.

I came, I read this atircle, I conquered.

Well.  You came and read the article, darlin’.  Any conquering of sez will have to be done on your OWN time.

Photo credit.


Advertisements

15 comments on “Hilarity of Spam

  1. Jenn
    November 7, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

    amazing. I wish the spam that showed up in my inbox was that entertaining. Also, why so many typos? Its not like its a human doing the spam, they couldn’t program the computer to get it right? Or is it just supposed to make you curious to click the link?

  2. Erin
    November 7, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    oh my. you should start another blog in which you post your witty commentary on your spam, because this is priceless. also, your ability to unravel some of those misspellings has me in awe.
    But if you are banning jammy, tannin-laden red wines, I might have to take my sour grapes elsewhere.

  3. ElfPuddle
    November 7, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    That’s it. I NEED a classroom NOW so that I can start saying, “Alaakzaam-information found, problem solved!”

  4. d-day
    November 7, 2011 at 2:13 pm #

    baaahahahah Well mcadamaia nuts, how about that.

    oh my goodness STEALING THAT.

  5. Torie
    November 7, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    Bertha thinks my free sharing is like communism … there is surely only one response to that

    “well macadamia nuts – how about that”

    you have just made me laugh out loud, a lot, my husband says I’m snorting and I don’t even care

  6. Sarah
    November 7, 2011 at 2:44 pm #

    Oh the misspellings. Dead give away when going through my spam folder. But I agree … some of the comments are just too good. Sometimes I think I should just go ahead and post them.

  7. Jo
    November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    Bahahaha!

  8. Caitlin
    November 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    This is amazing. I love your spammers. Staysha may have been my absolute favorite.

  9. Army Amy
    November 7, 2011 at 6:09 pm #

    Your spam is way better than my spam!*

  10. lizzie
    November 7, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    DOOD! FIRST – I just tweeted about spam randomly. You are in my brain. Or I’m in yours.

    Second – My spam comments are some of the most flattering, ha. “You are brilliant. Thanks for putting the point so poignantly.” Why, thank you Clayton from Windows & Showers LTD. I appreciate it. :]

  11. silversandalled
    November 8, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    Haha, these spammy comments (and your responses) are hysterical. I almost want you to receive more spam, so we get a part II. 😉

  12. caitlinscharacters
    November 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    I love when the spambots try to appeal to your vanity or intellect by saying you’re more interesting than so-and-so, or smarter than so-and-so. I’m with you on that James Joyce comment!

  13. Giggles
    November 8, 2011 at 11:22 pm #

    I love some of the spam I get. It’s clear that some of it has been run through an online translator and we play a game where we try to figure out what it was they were actually trying to say. One of our favorites, “But so what, it absolutely was nevertheless worthwhile!”

  14. Daniel Ginsberg, MD, FACP
    January 6, 2012 at 1:12 am #

    I was almost fooled when I first started getting such spam. Cleverly many of them sound like they are just complementing your site, and so of course you want the comments to show up. I finally realized they just want people to click back to their site. On occasion I wasn’t certain if the post was spam or not, but a Google search on the comment, misspellings and all, would usually bring up multiple pages containing the exact same comments. I’m not sure if the typos are on purpose to make them look more human (to err is human), but it makes it easier to find on a search.

    Here’s one I just received:

    God, I feel like I sohlud be takin notes! Great work

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Spamalicious | Kind of a Mess - January 30, 2012

    […] I thought my previous post was just a one-off, but the hits just KEEP ON COMIN’!  And by hits, I mean hilarious […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: