Kind of a Mess

Pen Pals

So, I got to thinkin’. I really like mail. Like, REALLY like mail. I have a thing for paper, and the site of a pretty envelope in my mailbox fills me with joy. Packages are great, but a real card or letter? The best.

Plus, I love a chance to practice my penmanship. I have horrid handwriting, but I like to try and do better. It’s less part of a noble quest to better myself and more a deep-seated compulsion dating back from when I got an F in Handwriting in 1st grade and it traumatized me. Plus, they made me use those stupid finger molds on my pencils to “correct” the way I held it and just succeeded in creating someone with bad handwriting who holds writing utensils weird and has a giant callus on her ring finger. Thanks, Texas education system….

Anyway. I was thinking about mail the other day, and how fun it is to get a letter, and I decided that I wanna start a little pen pal club on Kind of a Mess. Nothing huge, but just a way for people to sign up if they want to, get mail and find a use for the pretty stationery you keep buying but never use. (That CAN’T be just me.)

Here’s how it’ll work:

Email me at alyssa dot kindofamess at gmail dot com with your address. (Physical or PO box, doesn’t matter.)
Once I get a good amount, I’ll randomly pair you up with someone. (Let me know if you aren’t willing to have someone outside your own country.)
Then, I’ll give a few prompting topics and you’ll mail your letter! (You can send goodies if you want, but it HAS to fit in a regular letter envelope.)
Then, if it doesn’t suck and everyone likes it, we’ll do it again next month with new people! If you want to keep writing to your penpals, it’s up to you, but there’s no obligation to do so. It’s kind of the point, but not everyone gets excited about stuff like this and wants to keep doing it. And that’s okay!

So, what do you think? Lame? Fun? A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B? Alyssa, you have too much crap going on and this is a BAD idea?

Image from Brainless Tales.

June 24, 2011 29 Comments Short URLPen Pals!, Writerly Things

Zan is gettin’ married!!!

So Zan. You know, Zan, right? (HEY! Who said “No”? She just had her interview posted this morning! I’m going to need you to keep up, people….)

Anyway. Zan. Zantaran. Zantanna. Zanadu. Zantarini. (I could do this all day.)

Our lovely Zan is getting married and I thought it would be lovely for everyone out there reading this to give her some well-wishes. Because she is in the home stretch and could use some love. (Her ketubah was thrown under a train by ghosts! UNDER. A. TRAIN.)

For some of you that have been there, this is an exciting time, the few days before you’re married where all this crap that you’ve been putting together will finally be used and family is coming in and that’s crazy fun/stressful and all you can do is keep thinking, “I can’t wait” and “Lord, please don’t let me fall….” and it’s SOOO exciting because you know, “YAY, MARRIED!!” and it’s SOOO frustrating because if (s)he does that thing they keep doing ONE MORE TIME, you will set them on fire and cancel THIS WHOLE DAMN DEAL, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

Wait. Maybe that last part was just me.

Anyway, Zan needs some nice words of wisdom as she rounds third and heads for home. So give her some in the comments. Funny, sweet, trite, deep, thoughtful, dumb, WHATEVER. Even if you’ve never commented, even if you don’t want to comment EVAR thankyouverymuch, I’m telling you to do it right now. Just say something nice to the lady and give her some warm and fuzzies as she prepares to be a married lady, which in some ways isn’t that much different than a not-married lady but in some ways it SO IS.

And here’s my contribution. I had a silly picture picked out instead and then I heard this when I was getting ready this morning and thought, “AWWW!” (And yes, I might have been naked while I heard this, but that isn’t relevant.)

So this is my song for Zan and the Cowboy. The original was by a guy and featured in Juno, but I like this one better.

Now it’s your turn. Say something nice.

Annnnd…..GO!

June 23, 2011 20 Comments Short URLUncategorized

Kind of a Mess Interviews: Zan of Oversized Cliches

Oh Zan. Zanosaurus. Zan is one of my favorite people and I barely know her. She’s an APW reader, lives on a farm and blogs her butt off. You should be her friend. She might let you come pet a cow or something….

Fun Fact about Zan that you (and she) did not know: Zan refuses to pick a favorite book. She views them all as special, unique little snowflakes and will not choose among them. However, I have it on good authority that it’s a toss-up between “Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker’s Soul” and “Scarlett.”

Who was your first celebrity crush?

Oh well this one was easy. Christian Bale in “Newsies” I was a wee-thing when that movie came out so I didn’t have any crushes that I could recognize as romantic per-se (I did not understand what was going on with the lady on the swing AT ALL) but I did have … shall we say … stirrings towards the young Mr. Bale (Stirrings? Seriously? I think was channelling Judy Blume there). There was something rather fetching about his bad New York accent and his slightly greasy hair. Of course I was attracted to his bad-assery, which won him the top spot in my heart. On balance I thought David Moscow was cuter (and Jew, so there is that) but he lacked Bale’s panache.

“Newsies” also explains my enduring childhood fantasy of handing jerks their asses via spontaneously choreographed group song and dance. [Editor’s Note: Me TOO…)

How my mom almost got arrested.

So I have a mom. And an aunt, Aunt Lori. Lori is great; she’s an excellent photographer, makes gorgeous quilts and loves whiskey sours. My mom’s pretty nifty too; she makes soy candles, the best cinnamon rolls and she takes care of just about everyone in the entire world all the damn time. Plus, she gave birth to me so automatically awesome, right?

Lori is married to my mom’s baby brother, John, but she has always fit in like she was born into my mom’s crazy family. Seriously; we’re lucky she and my mom didn’t grow up as sisters because when they’re together, they are trouble.

Take, for instance, greeting cards. Lori likes to send Mom cards with confetti in them so when Mom opens them so gets tiny colorful pieces of fun everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And Mom falls for this. Every. Damn. Time.

So Mom decides that she’s going to get Lori back.

June 22, 2011 23 Comments Short URLThe Fam.

Kind of a Mess Interviews: Rachel of Bananas, continued

Rachel is my buddy and partner-in-crime; one day we will open up our “Cupcakes ‘n Tatas” topless bakery. It will be amazing. As will our boobies. Rachel blogs at Bananas, Continued and is also ddayporter on APW. Which I have to call her on a regular basis because if I call her “Rachel,” Meg and Lauren have no idea who I’m talking about.

Fun fact about Rachel you (and she) didn’t know: Rachel makes dance parties happen wherever she goes. She once walked into a Starbucks, pointed at the barista and “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” by neutral milk hotel started playing. They then did a full-length pas de deux until the song ended, at which time Rachel stopped, grabbed someone’s frappucino and then walked out the door.

Those there later described it as the most important event in their life thus far.

What would you eat if it were your last meal?

For some reason my first reaction to this question was to wonder what got me onto death row.. Did I finally snap and go on a shooting rampage in the House Republican caucus?? (jk I would never do that. I’m pretty sure.) My last meal, assuming I wasn’t stricken with no appetite at the thought of dying shortly afterward: first course would be goat cheese flan and a jalapeno popper (in that order). A scoop of sorbet to clear my pallet (never had a fancy enough dinner to experience this but I’ve heard it’s nice). Main dish would be panang curry (with sea scallops and lobster, maybe some shrimps), with a side of perfectly roasted asparagus. I would of course be washing all of this down with champagne (I’m not overly concerned with proper wine pairings for my last meal. Just gimme da sparkler!). For dessert, cheesecake with fresh strawberries, with a dark chocolate fountain nearby for dipping. And more champagne. And some bacon?? Gotta fit some bacon in there somewhere. Read More

June 21, 2011 18 Comments Short URLKind of a Mess Interviews

My Life Lately…

I have become a complete klutz.

I have no idea what the problem is, but I keep dropping…well, pretty much everything. Jethro has a thing for drinking out of Mason jars (I know, I know, I don’t want to talk about it…) and his favorite are the giant ones that you’re supposed to use for canning tomatoes or a small child. I knocked one of those off the bathroom counter last week and was late to work because it shattered EVERYWHERE. I’m still finding tiny shards. With my feet.

I also dropped a candle in Wal-Mart, possibly as a sub-conscious rebellion against being there and not at Super Target like I should have been. I keep knocking over glasses, I tripped over a rug at work and I have dropped dishes in the kitchen sink so many times that I know they’re gonna get hairline fractures and explode in the microwave or something.

I’m like a drunk toddler. Somebody please stop me. Read More

June 20, 2011 14 Comments Short URLUncategorized

Lame…

…dear moppets, as in “I am the” because I’ve been AWOL. My impromptu hiatus turned into a full-on disappearance. If this was old-school LiveJournal, I could totally pretend that something important happened and that I had to be alone for a while, but we’d all know I was lying.

(Actually…we all knew those LJ posts were lies too. The ones that were like, “Hey, y’all. Sorry i havent posted ina while, I’ve jsut got a lot of thingz goin’ on and i had to get my head on str8….” No, you didn’t. You totally felt unloved, so you hid out from the internet for a while and waited just long enough for people to go, “Hey, where’s lolz8482?” so you could come back and have people be all, “YAY! We missed you!” Except they don’t, which just depresses you further and leads you farther down your emo spiral….*ahem* Sorry. I apparently have leftover LJ-hate…)

Anyways, I will be attempting to pick back up soon. Besides, you guys have been SO AWESOME with that name post that I feel like I don’t even have to post anything else!

Okay, that’s not true. But I’m trying to assuage my guilt here… Between the posts I’m not putting up here, the questions that aren’t getting answered on APW because we have SO MANY and the weight I’m not losing, I’m one giant guilt ball.

I know. Oh my life is so hard. My poor first world problems… Hush. Let me wallow for a moment.

Anyway, I will be back on Monday with more posts and hopefully a few changes in the site.

Maybe. Don’t hold me to it.

And love me. Love me long time.

June 15, 2011 16 Comments Short URLUncategorized

A rose by any other name…still has bugs in it.

I have a thing for names. I don’t know why, but I love thinking of names for things and people and stuff. Probably because I’ve had such a contentious relationship with my name. (Which is Alyssa, by the way. Real name, not screen-name. I fail at privacy on the internets.)

My name came from a newspaper. Seriously. My parents had decided that if I was boy my dad would name me and if I was a girl, my mom would. But apparently everyone thought I’d be a girl, so no boy names were chosen. Then again, no girl names were chosen either, so I’m left to assume that my mom was expecting a puppy.

I was a few days old and my parents finally stopped calling me “the baby” and decided on Alyssa. Because my mom had read a story about a girl named Alyssa and her dad in the newspaper.

Which I’ve heard is Greek for “Loyal.” She seriously was expecting a puppy….
Read More

May 23, 2011 126 Comments Short URLMusings

Ugh.

Yesterday I had a headache so bad, it made me late for work. And it only sorta went away; it was that lovely background pain, the kind that is just lurking around waiting for your meds to wear off so it can turn around and punch you in the face. BOO.

The sad part is, I’m getting used to that. I just pop pills and keep going, because even if I wallow in my headache, it won’t go away so I figure why bother? This, of course, doesn’t always work. I fake the perky and then later when I don’t want to anymore, people are like, “What’s wrong, you were fine five minutes ago?” Read More

May 20, 2011 21 Comments Short URLUncategorized

Kind of a Mess Interviews: ElfPuddle

ElfPuddle is fun, hilarious and encouraging to jiggly ladies who run. She also doesn’t have a blog yet, so we should nag her about that. If you want to be friends with her (and WHY WOULDN’T YOU??) you might be able to ask her to send you the a link so you be friends on Facebook. Only if you’re not crazy. (That eliminates at least four of you. You know who you are….)

Fun fact about ElfPuddle that you (and she) didn’t know: Elfie once won a contest for the best soup in all the land. ALL of the land, including Erets, City-States In Chaos and Patronage.***

And this is a photo of ElfPuddle and her fiance PapaMonkey. HOW CUTE ARE THEY???
Who was your first celebrity crush?

Richard Dean Anderson. (Yes, MacGyver. Didn’t you love him too?) [Editor’s Note: Yes.]

What is your dream job(s)?

Teaching HS English at a wonderful school where discipline isn’t a problem and standardized testing isn’t worshipped.

What would you do with large lottery winnings?

First I’d pay off my student loans. Then I’d help my fiance start the world’s most righteous custody battle.

What would be your dream trip?

I want to travel all over Europe for a year. I’d love to have New Year’s in Scotland, and spend the Spring traipsing around watching the British Isles get green. Then hop the channel and take a train all over the rest of the EU. Read More

May 19, 2011 7 Comments Short URLKind of a Mess Interviews