Greatest movie ever? Monster Squad.

Partially in honor of Halloween, partially because I just felt like it, Jethro and I decided to watch Monster Squad last night.

Well, I decided to watch it but since I can’t work the DVD player,  I just yelled “MONSTER SQUAD!” at regular intervals until Jethro put it in.  Because I’m super mature.

Monster Squad has always been one of my favorites, as it was on regular rotation on HBO when I was growing up.  Sure, Goonies was cooler, but Monster Squad had MONSTERS.  Monsters beat pirates any day. It’s campy, it’s cheesy, it’s full of plot holes and it’s so much damn fun.

Don’t believe me?  I present my evidence. [EDITED: Spoilers abound.]

1.   Phoebe?  ADORABLE.  Phoebe and Frankenstein?  MELT.

“It’s okay guys, he’s friends with us.  C’mon, don’t be chicken-sh*t!”

2. Rudy coming to the rescue of Horace.  The leather jacket, lighting the cigarette off his shoes, making the kid from the Wonder Years eat the squished candy bar off the ground?  And later where he shoots the vampire girls with a bow and arrow?  Six year old me swooned.

3. Dracula?  SCARIEST BAD GUY EVER.

“Give me the amulet, you BITCH!”

According to IMDB, her scream at that line was real; the actor playing Dracula never wore his fangs or red contacts around her because it scared her too much, so when he lifted her up and opened his eyes at her, she understandably freaked and probably pooped her overalls a little. And I might have too.
Seriously, he’s one of the best Dracula’s.  And vaguely hot, now that I’m older and not terrified of him.  No effing sparkly vampires here, NO SIR.

4. The minor discussion of why Wolfman needs to wear pants makes Jethro laugh so hard he wheezes.  (Why?  To hide his wolf dork.)

5. EIGHTIES MOVIE MONTAGE!!!!

6. Lines like this:

“Aww, man, Fat Kid farted!”

“Okay, so what’s German for ‘Please don’t murder us’?”
(scary German guy walks up behind them.)
“Bitte, moerden-zie uns nicht.”

“Are you absolute sure that she is..?”
“You’re not a virgin are you?  No, no, what do you mean no?!?”
“Well, Steve, but he doesn’t count.
“DOESN’T COUNT?!?”

“Creature stole my twinkie!”

7. The ENDING. The bad-ass swirling vortex limbo thing and a thumbs up from Van Helsing, with some pathos thrown in as Phoebe begs Frankenstein, “Don’t go, Frankenstein, please don’t go away!”
And he stumble to where she’s hiding and holds her hand as he says goodbye and slips away into limbo.
And then? And then?
AND THEN SHE THROWS HER TEDDY BEAR TO FRANKENSTEIN!!
And I collapse in a puddle of sentimental goo.

*TEAR*

8. And, of course, the best part.

I hear they’re remaking it, but I call shenanigans.  You can’t remake perfection.

So?  Your thoughts on Monster Squad? What’s your favorite cheestastic Halloween flick?

*Photos from here, here, here and here.