Things I Can’t Quit.

I used to smoke.  And I looooooved smoking.  And I miss it.   But I miss it like you miss an old boyfriend when you find his flannel in the back of your closet; enough to make you sigh but not enough to make you call him and see what’s up.  Because he was a douche and you broke up for a reason, or rather reasonS; twenty-seven of them at last count, which was about 2 weeks after you broke up, with your bestie one night over cookies and beer at 2am.

I might be oversharing again.

Anyway, I quit pretty easily.  I don’t have an addictive personality…or so I like to think.  But there are a few things that I just can’t give up, no matter how hard you think I need to.

1. Candy

I have a candy fetish.  FaveRed Starburst, Haribo gummi bears, Fruity Mentos, Cherry Twist ‘n’ Peel Twizzlers, Skittles….I’d probably set someone on fire for a giant pile of Laffy Taffy. (Unless they were all banana.  Nobody likes banana. But fruit punch flavor?  IT IS ON.) Not a chocolate fan unless it has caramel in it.  Or it’s Dove.  Even retro candy like Kits, Mallo Cups and Sugar Daddy…*sigh*  If I succumb to my family’s history of diabetes, you’re just gonna have to take me outback  and shoot me.

I recently found out from Lauren that she has movie theaters where you can mix and match the bins of candy and just buy it by the pound.  I find it incredibly unfair that I don’t have this and think I need to write my congressman.

2. DIY

I am unable to keep myself from looking at a project and going, “I could do that….”  The end product is usually satisfying, but the way there is a hot mess usually involving yelling and tears. And yet, I still soldier on.

Ask Jethro about the year I tried to make everyone’s Christmas gifts.  I thought he was gonna leave me….good thing I’m so hot.

3. Geeky sci-fi

I adore geeky sci-fi.  Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Warehouse 13, Eureka, Dr. Who, Torchwood…  But not freaky apocolyptic sci-fi that seems like it could happen.  (I’m looking at YOU, Battlestar Galactica.)  I like my sci-fi mixed with a bit of funny.  Except for Stargate.  Jethro loves it, I can’t get it…

And True Blood.  I wanted to, but it’s gross.  I need my vampires to dust, not explode in an orgy of goo.  That’s just nasty, y’all.

Plus, they have yummy smart heroes.  I say I like geeky sci-fi, but secretly the draw is the sex-ay mens.   Spike, Captain Jack, the Tenth Doctor and Captain Picard. *sigh*

What?  It’s okay, Jethro would dump me for Kaylee or Inara from Firefly in a second.

4. Beef jerky

Ohh, beef jerky.  I mean the REAL stuff.  The kind that you can fold in half and CRACK.  The kind that you can eat one piece and probably be too full for dinner.  The kind where you have to hold it between your teeth and wrench it up and down to be able to bite off a small enough piece and then you chew it for a day and a half.  THAT kind of beef jerky.

I want MANLY jerky.  None of this “tender pieces” horsesh*t.  Who needs that?  It’s like eating a wad of room temperature meat.  I feel like I should heat it up or add a side dish to it.  I need beef jerky in my life that you could stick in a knapsack for twelve years and still be good enough to keep you alive if you’re ever caught in a stampede.

Not that I plan on being caught in a stampede.  But I COULD.  I might move to Oklahoma one day and they have BUFFALO out there.

Okay, so it was like eight of them on some guy’s property, but they could stampede!!  You never know…

And when that happens, I need my manly, tough beefy jerky to keep me alive.

5. Nail Polish.

This is my stash.

I might have a problem.


What are YOUR vices?  Share, moppets.

42 comments on “Things I Can’t Quit.

  1. lizvd
    July 8, 2011 at 7:12 am #

    OMG! I also dig the fruity candy- my favorite, unable to resist the whole bag, candy being Sour Patch Kids. And a road trip without twizzlers? No way! The only chocolate I really spring for is Godiva- the rest is just blah. My boyfriend thinks Hershey’s is better than Godiva- I sometimes think he’s crazy.

    I also love me some geeky sci-fi, in part like you said because of the men: Malcolm Reynolds and William Riker, I’m looking at you. As a kid, I had this metallic headband I used to wear around my eyes like Geordi Laforge and while the credits were rolling, I’d dance around like a little maniac. I also had a doll I named Deanna because I envied her thick, dark, curly hair- mine has always been blonde and pencil straight. I’ve been told it’s a blessing- really I think it’s just a pain in the ass.

    I love Star Trek- Next Gen and Deep Space Nine, but not really Voyager. Firefly, Eureka, Dr. Who, and Stargate: SG1 all fit my tastes to a T. I love Battlestar Galactica, but I can’t watch a marathon of it- it’s too serious and kind of depressing. True Blood took some getting used to when I watched the first season, which I ended up liking. The second season was really weird and I got sick of it three episodes in. I must admit to never having seen an episode of Buffy or Angel, because when I was younger every little thing gave me nightmares. I know that makes me kind of lame. 😛

    My true “vice” is books- from romance novels to sci-fi to children’s books- I just can’t seem to get enough. I have a Google calendar devoted to book release dates for my favorite authors just to make sure that I put myself on the hold list at the library in time or remember to order them for myself if the library won’t be getting them in. In my k-12 years, while everyone else was out doing stuff over the summer, I locked myself away with my nose in a book. My beach bag is still full of 3-4 at a time!

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

      I LOOOOVE books too. You read the Dresden Files or The Hallows series? GOOD book sci-fi stuff.

      And we need you to watch Buffy and Angel. Not because you are lame, but because you are missing out and it breaks my heart.

  2. Madge
    July 8, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    buying notebooks. hoarding notebooks.

    assigning notebooks A Purpose (usually lists of one kind) and then not EVER filling it up

    stickers. i am 12 years old. i buy stickers but don’t want to WASTE them, so keep them in a massive plastic envelope

    buying single candy bars at the checkout, despite swearing i only needed to buy the two things i came into the store for

    obsessive compulsively checking facebook andd not posting anything in case it makes me look too needy

    picking the skin around my nails. i know. i know. my hands have been ruined since i was about 6. in recent years, my nails have begun to flake and peel off and somehow this has stopped me picking at the nails. right now, they’re okay and i have begun to bite at my cuticles. i will NEVER have good hands

    gorging on american dvd box sets. if it’s got more than 6 episodes (*useless* british seasons. that’s not a SEASON. 12 episodes is a season. 24 is a GIFT) i’m in. especially if it got cancelled (flashforward, defying gravity, the event) and often dubious plots.

    wathing gross shows and eating at the same time. we have one called “supersize vs superskinny” where a morbidly obese person and a dangerously underweight person swap diets and generally disgust each other. i will watch this whilst eating donuts and cake. and feel no shame. OR! horrific medical programmes “embarassing bodies” in the UK is GREAT.

    i don’t know how i have managed to keep a job…

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

      Dear Lord, we have some of the same vices.

      I LOVE paper and never fill a notebook. The checkout candy lures me and then I regret it immediately. I used to be addicted to CSI and ALWAYS ate when I watched it. In fact, only True Blood has ever turned me off while eating and I think the show in general was doing that…

      And don’t get me started on the British seasons. First time I heard about a gap year was RIGHT after I discovered Dr. Who and had just seen its season ender. I nearly howled…..

      • Madge
        July 11, 2011 at 6:57 am #

        yeah, but you guys and your “season breaks”?? what is THAT all about? we get into a show, finally get to the good bit and then it’s like, hey, wait a few months and see if anyone remembers what channel it’s on because AMERICA HAD A HOLIDAY.

        although, with respect, your people make GOOD TV. and for that we are very very grateful.

        we do suck spectacularly with gaps. on behalf of the creative side of the nation, i apologise.

        • kindofamess
          July 11, 2011 at 9:19 am #

          Considering we get things like IT Crowd, Torchwood and Graham Norton, y’all are more than forgiven. (Chris O’Dowd, how I love you…..)

  3. Erin
    July 8, 2011 at 8:08 am #

    I’m as bad about chocolate as you are about fruity candy. I have absolutely no self control.

    My other vice is checking out three library books at a time. Then going back and checking out six more. And then another three. And renewing them all for months until they’re four days overdue and I finally have to give them back. And then I go back and check them out again.

    But really, I’m writing to chime in on the geeky sci-fi love. That stuff was my bread and butter growing up. My family would win the radio call-in contests when they released new Star Trek movies… (Imagine my eight year old bro’s voice on the radio answering a question about the Cardassians. Adorable.) My mom knows more Buffy trivia than I do. Also, re: Battlestar Galactica, I watched the entire series on DVD with my roommate a few years ago. It really is soooo depressing. I moved before we saw the series finale, and I haven’t been able to put myself through the probably-horribly-sad ending…

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

      I want to be a part of your family. What’s you and your mom’s favorite Buffy episodes?

  4. goodtastehealthyme
    July 8, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    LOL I’m the same with DIY. I look at something and think, “oh I could so do that.” But I have to ask myself, will I? Will I actually do that?

    Same with sci-fi. I’m a total sci-fi nerd!

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

      There’s so many of us here, I had no idea!!

      • Madge
        July 11, 2011 at 6:58 am #

        there’s got to be a Crafters Anonymous somewhere…

  5. Kerry
    July 8, 2011 at 8:13 am #

    I hear you on the beef jerky. Do you like to drink Bloody Marys? My favorite thing in the fall is to go to the farmer’s market and buy the huge, homemade sticks of jerky and use them in place of the celery in my BMs.

    I’m addicted to buying fresh flowers for my house. Without them it feels ugly and lonely and makes my skin crawl. Craig and I recently had to sit down and make up a “flower budget.” Not for a wedding, mind you. Just for LIFE.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

      My GOD, woman…what is this wonder you speak of and WHY have I never had it before????

      And I aspire to be like you with flowers. I wish I had them everywhere, but I’m secretly cheap. I need to grow them, but they hate me…

  6. esposetta
    July 8, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    I love banana Laffy Taffy. I’m gonna let that one slide.

    My addictions include fabric, magazines, my smartphone, television reruns (currently watching Will and Grace on Lifetime) and blogs. I didn’t think I had an addictive personality…hmm.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

      I’m going to have to save all mine and mail it to you. Grody….

      • Heather G
        July 11, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

        And me, too! I love Banana laffy taffy (Late response, I know, but I didn’t want to miss out on any banana laffy taffy)!

  7. kelly
    July 8, 2011 at 9:05 am #

    I can’t quit coffee. Or children’s literature (like @lizvd I have release dates marked on my Google calendar). Or re-watching Gilmore Girls incessantly.

    Also banana = best laffy taffy flavor ever. And now I want some.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

      Nooooo! You banana Laffy Taffy people are crazy!!

      Maybe its genetic, like being able to curl your tongue or having free or attached earlobes…

  8. ddayporter
    July 8, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    I used to smoke too, and sometimes I miss it in the same way. Not really tempted at all to try it again, but just sort of wistful for the excuse to stand outside in a little circle for a few minutes between beers.

    I love twizzlers!! definitely required road trip food. my weird compulsive thing is ho-hos. if I’m shopping by myself it takes my entire force of will on overdrive to not grab a little 3-pack of hohos, I have no idea where this came from. I usually only eat 1 or 2 and then throw the last one in the nearest garbage to save me from myself. the things are so bad for you, and not even that tasty.

    my tv addictions are america’s funniest videos and wipeout.

    jerky!! I have not had that kind of jerky in a long time, must try to find some. genius to put it in a bloody mary, bonus points to Kerry!

    • ddayporter
      July 8, 2011 at 9:12 am #

      OH and I am so with you on the banana laffy taffy! haha. real bananas, with peanut butter, favorite thing ever. any kind of fake banana flavored thing? most hated thing ever. definitely one of those things where you either LOVE it or HATE it. never met anyone just middle of the road on this one.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

      Lizzie did a great post on smoking and loving it, I’ll have to find it…. There’s something about the social aspect I miss too….

  9. mere...
    July 8, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    candy, absolutely yes! especially holiday sweetarts, which i swear somehow taste better than the normally molded sweetarts. and fun dips because sometimes i am a 4 year old. and anything sour. and…um yes, the answer is candy.

    also beef jerky. which is always so pricey which makes me feel almost guilty for getting it, but i am comforted knowing that i will enjoy every single bite (and that each bite will take me 10 minutes to chew at least, so really it’s kind of an investment or sorts). and the bloody mary idea? hello saturday morning plans, nice to meet you!

    my biggest vice however is probably buying things and then saving them for a special occasion and then never letting anything be a special enough occasion. i have shower gel from the 5th grade that my cousin bought in hawaii and brought home for me. 5th grade!! you KNOW that it’s not even safe to use anymore, but it’s still in my bathroom and has survived over 5 moves! i do this with a lot of things unfortunately: journals, beauty products, outfits. i have hopes that someday i will accept that maybe it just being a friday is a special enough occasion for the “good perfume”.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:11 pm #

      DUDE, I’m a beauty hoarder too! You just have to make a clean break and dont’ think about it. Or save it for another 15 years and then sell it on Ebay.

  10. Laura
    July 8, 2011 at 10:21 am #

    Ginger candy (the chewy kind) is my favorite. I always tell myself, “just one piece,” but I end up eating, like, seven at a time. I’m with you on the geeky sci-fi, too, especially Dr. Who!

    And advice columns. It started with Savage Love and Dear Prudence, but now I follow 5 or 6 different ones every week. I love trying to predict the responses. I’m seriously worried I’m going to miss my train one of these days because I’m too wrapped up in reading about someone else’s relationship drama on my phone. (My iPhone…yet another compulsion/vice…)

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

      Dear Prudence can suck up my whole day. I won’t read for a while and suddenly I’m combing the archives….

      • Madge
        July 11, 2011 at 6:59 am #

        oh MY GOD, totally. i love it. here are some problems you didn’t even know you could have and how to fix them.

        i read a whole year’s worth of columns in about a week. it was not a good work week…

  11. Zan
    July 8, 2011 at 10:29 am #

    Fruit. I can eat like … twelve cartons of strawberries without noticing. Hubs recently had half a watermelon for lunch. It’s a good thing we found eachother (and that we live half a mile from a fruit farm).

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

      I WISH I liked fruit like that. Instead I like things like Twizzlers and cheese like that…

  12. Maggie
    July 8, 2011 at 10:48 am #

    Now I’m envious of YOUR nail polish stash (I have one bottle that’s 3 yrs old, that’s it) and Lauren’s movie theater.

    My vices:

    -reading blogs that make me rant-y. I still have a blog bookmarked (and no, it’s not any of you lovely people) simply because this girl drives me crazy… and I get some weird enjoyment from getting all riled up. Kind of like watching Fox News.

    -Sugar, in any form. My sweet tooth will snarl at me all evening, unless I eat *at least* a piece of hard candy after dinner. Yeah, I know this is terrible.

    -Romantic comedies. I always hate them (always!), but I eagerly look forward to their release date and try to get my mom and sisters to go with me. It’s like I need to keep proving to myself how awful they are. And yes, I am planning to see that Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis movie (though now that I’m unemployed, I wait for netflix… which makes them doubly awful – no trailers or sno caps to make up for mind-numbing dialogue).

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

      Do I need to make a donation? It’s not like I’d miss it….

      And I want an email with those rant-y blogs. I’ll share mine if you share yours. 🙂

  13. lizzie
    July 8, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    Well…those things that you do don’t need to be quit, lady, they’re awesome.

    I’m addicted to projects of all kinds. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being an over-achiever in a slacker body.

  14. lizzie
    July 8, 2011 at 11:20 am #

    Also, I still smoke and D-Day’s comment about bananas and peanut butter LITERALLY made me get up from my desk and cut up a banana with a spoon of peanut butter. I hate you a little bit. I WAS going to just have the awesome healthy 0-points banana by itself…but now I have to add peanut butter in the mix.

  15. ElfPuddle
    July 8, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

    I’m addicted to my computer. And quilting fabric. And starting projects I never finish.

    I’m with you on Firefly, Torchwood, and Dr. Who. It’s a tie whether it’s because I’m a geek, or for the men (I believe the fiance has serious competition in David Tennant. YUM).

    My biggest food addiction is [url=]Liberte’s Mediterranee yogurt.[/url]. It’s almost as yummy as my dear Mr. Tennant. Almost.

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

      Jethro knows that if David Tennant showed up at our doorstep, I’m completely allowed to strip down nekkid and run away with him. I’ll come back, but we will never discuss what happened.

      And that yogurt sounds amazing. I’m a Fage nut, but I’m also a citrus nut so I’ll have to try their lemon…yum.

  16. andrea
    July 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    Hey! I love your writing and I think you’re hilarious and wonderful, but would you consider removing or changing the bit about a tranny mess? I’m guessing that you don’t mean to insult or “other” transgendered people in your writing, and I think (hope) using “tranny” as a derogatory term communicates something you don’t really mean. Thanks!

    • kindofamess
      July 8, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

      You know, I hadn’t even realized I wrote that. I changed it because “hot mess” suffices just as well and I probably only included tranny in there because while I was typing I was thinking about my best friend and I doing DIY projects, burning ourselves with glue guns while watching an ANTM marathon and trash-talking some of his competitors. (Which is rude, but because we twere talking sh*t about terrible drag queens done up so terribly they looked like sad cross-dressers, not because they looked or were transgendered. )

      I only say this instead of just deleting it because this is probably the only time I’ll change anything I’ve written on here. Anyone can feel free to email me about anything they find offensive because it might be unintentional. Offensive? Not my thing. Rude and inappropriate? Yeeeeahh…that’s probably gonna happen.

  17. KatjaMichelle
    July 10, 2011 at 1:53 am #

    what do you mean no one likes banana laffy taffy? it the best laffy taffy ever!

    • kindofamess
      July 11, 2011 at 9:20 am #

      You break my heart a little.

      I should talk, though, my favorite is Fruit Punch and I don’t even know if they make that anymore…

  18. Moz
    July 15, 2011 at 12:20 am #

    I’m with you about True Blood. I watched the first two seasons but got half way through the 3rd and was bored rigid. Disappointed because I love Alan Ball and Nancy Oliver.

    Oh and Stargate’s stoopid.

    The thing I can’t quit: TV shows. Seriously, I watch a lot of stuff. And then pick it apart. So thrilled about Damages and Breaking Bad being back this week.

    On a Buffy re-watch at the moment.

  19. savychachasavychacha
    July 18, 2011 at 10:09 am #

    For a looooong while, I was completely obsessed with new eyeshadows. I am makeup obsessed in general, but I have a 5 drawer organizer (that stands about a foot tall, 8 inches wide and 10ish inches deep) that is filled with only eyeshadows, paint pots and shade sticks. Every drawer is a different color family. Mind you, this organizer is only for my sample pots and baggies of eyeshadow. My makeup bag has 2 pallets of various MAC and Inglot eyeshadows, along with older MAC holiday pallet sets. More recently I started obsessing over blushes…but I somehow stopped myself after buying 3 in one week. Every time a package comes in the mail with a new beauty product my fiance just gives me “the look”, and then I open it and explain to him why I REALLY NEED this! I have however gotten better about this in the past 6 months.

    Also, if I do not have some form of dark chocolate in the house I think I would actually crawl into a ball and cry…or at least pout and make a really ugly sad face for a long time. If you’ve never had the Lindt chocolate Extra Dark 60% Cocoa truffles then you have no idea what you’re missing. I could drown myself in a pool of these and die a happy girl.

    I love me some Buffy, and Dollhouse, and Firefly…I’m so happy that my fiance realizes my love for all things Wheadon and musical, and indulges me in day long marathons of these shows when I get in the mood. When he bought me the Buffy box set for Christmas last year we literally spent every night watching at least 1, if not 2 episodes straight from season 1 all the way through season 7. He didn’t even make fun of me when I sobbed (not just cried, but ugly sobbed) during the final episode. I wish more people in my real life loved these shows as much as I do so I could reference them constantly.

    I also admit to loving really really bad “reality” TV. Just this past weekend I watch the entire first season of Rock of Love. I have also been known to sit through 3 or more episodes of Intervention in a row – all the while crying, and becoming angry, and not being able to turn it off. I used to watch ANTM religiously, and I recently started watching Todlers & Tiaras.

    I promise that I am not hopeless!


  1. Maggie and the Inappropriate Doggie Treat | Kind of a Mess - October 3, 2011

    […] like a spiral of hard beef jerky for dogs, and since jerky is Maggie’s favorite treat (and mine) I thought it might be good for her.  Also, the brand name is super cute and I am […]

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