DO NOT LIKE.

1. When someone else is in the car when one of my jams comes on.  Sometimes you need to yell out the lyrics “Shoop” and the only other people you want around you are Salt and Pepa.

 

2. When I go to a public bathroom and don’t realize until I’m done that some one else was in there.  Not because of anything either one of us might have been doing in there, (have we learned nothing?)  but because I’m suddenly gripped with the irrational fears. “Was I just talking to myself?  I think I might have just been talking to myself.  Oh God, I’ve had the Thong Song stuck in my head all day, was I just SINGING that??  I might have been…wait, am I saying THIS out loud?!?  AHHH!”

3. Debates over tipping.  LOOK.  If someone is classified as a tipped worker, by most wage laws, employers don’t have to pay them minimum wage, so that 3 bucks you failed to tip on your Moons Over My Hammy could have been more than they make an hour.  Stop being cheap and always tip 20%.  If you can’t afford the extra money for a tip, go somewhere where you don’t have to.  If someone doesn’t do a good job, shorting them will do nothing but make them more surly for the next people because they’re even more worried about paying rent.  Talk to a manager if they’re that bad, but don’t be a cheap bastard.

4. Dirtgirlworld.  It scares the bejeezus out of me.  I like the green vegan message for kids, but the eyes….OH DEAR GOD, THE EYES…

 
 

5. People who say they don’t read.  What? You don’t…how do you not….WHAT??

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24 comments on “DO NOT LIKE.

  1. Jo
    August 29, 2011 at 8:22 am #

    Agree w/ all of them except for #4 because I have no idea what that is and I am not going to look seeing as how you don’t like it. 🙂

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 9:17 am #

      I keep trying to update the post with a link to the wiki article for you, but it’s not letting me. EVEN WORDPRESS IS SCARED OF DIRTGIRLWORLD.

      Go here. It should be safe…

  2. Beylit
    August 29, 2011 at 9:00 am #

    My youngest step sister looked at me one day and told me she had never read a book. She was 21 at the time. I am fairly sure that truth about her has not changed. I always knew that girl was an idiot, I just had no idea how much of an idiot she was.

    I asked her if she was joking, and she assured me she was not. She said she didn’t see the point in it. If she wanted to be entertained she would watch TV or a movie.

    Yea. So glad that girl isn’t related to me by blood.

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 9:19 am #

      Wow…

      I like to view people like that as giant Don’t’s for our future generations.
      “See Aunt Becky over there? Do you want to be like her? No? Then go READ!”

  3. Virginia
    August 29, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    Love your list…totally agree with everything! As a former server, #3 is something that EVERYONE should know. My first job waiting tables paid me $1.28/hour, and BTW, servers generally only get paychecks if they suck at their job — usually all your hourly wages are paid to the government as taxes on your tips!
    Also, my wedding is in 6 days….is it too late to buy the bridesmaids knee-pads and demand that we all learn the dance to Shoop so we can perform it at the reception??? 🙂

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 9:22 am #

      I’m not a crazy great tipper, but I ALWAYS make sure to give 20%, even if all they did was take my order. The good part about bad tippers is it’s a great way to judge character…

      And less than a week, AHHH!!!! No. It is never too late to dance to Shoop. Just as long as you promise to take a video and share it with the rest of us. That much awesome cannot be kept private.

  4. ElfPuddle
    August 29, 2011 at 9:23 am #

    I would like to add crazy-in-laws to the list. I do mean certifiably crazy, not just run-of-the-mill-their-family-is-different-than-mine.

    I’m totally with you on the bathroom problems. I had the same problem at a wedding Saturday night. I had a cartoon’s theme song in my head, and I know I was talking to myself in the stall. *blush*

    Don’t even get me started on not-reading. Though I will say this and try to stop: I was subbing in a fourth-grade class last week. I brought a book to recess. One of my students came up and asked what I was reading. I told him, and he said, “Could you please stop that? Reading is boring.” !!! My reading is boring you?! Get back on that swing, young man, and leave me alone!

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      Aww, SO sorry about the in-law’s. I won the freakin’ lottery with mine so I feel super bad for those who haven’t….

      I might have committed child abuse, right then and there.
      Okay, maybe not. But I would have thought deeply about it!!

  5. nikki
    August 29, 2011 at 9:52 am #

    I was so glad to read #2 because I totally do that also – realize someone else was in the bathroom and immediately think “holy shit, I’ve been talking or humming this whole time”

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      It’s jarring, right? I get sorta irritated with the people too, like, “WHY you on MY pee schedule?!?”

      • nikki
        August 30, 2011 at 9:41 am #

        ugh like when you see the same damn lady in the bathroom four times in the same day. then you’re forced to do that awkward “we’re drinking a lot of water today, huh?!”

  6. Jenny
    August 29, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    Re: Tipping – yes servers make very little per hour plus tips, but also, sometimes they have to shell out their tips to help pay the other employees too. I was a hostess in high school, and I got paid $2.13/hour + tip share, which wasn’t great. So even if your server didn’t do a great job, keep in mind that the busser’s and the hostesses may be relying on that tip also. Even if they’re just high school kids. Some of us had to pay for our own college and all… 🙂

    And now I have “Shoop” stuck in my head 🙂

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm #

      “Wanna thank your mother for a butt like that, can I get some fries with that shake shake booty, if looks could kill you would be an Uzi, you’re shotgun, BANG! What’s up with that thang, I wanna know, how does it hang, straight up, hold up, Mr. Lover, like Prince said you’re a sexy mother, I like it real wild, b-boy style by the mile, smooth black skin with smile….”

      Okay, that’s as far as I got before I blanked. Sad, no? 🙂

  7. lizzie
    August 29, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    i HATE the debate over tipping. HATE it.

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm #

      It makes me want to rip the complainer’s face off…

  8. Ali
    August 29, 2011 at 10:18 am #

    I’m so with you on the singing in the car thing. I have good friends who will crank it up and jam with me, and that’s awesome. But the best songs always come on when there is someone new in the car – someone who could become a good friend, if only I don’t scare them off. Gah.

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

      If they’re scared, they’re totally not worth it! Car singers, unite!

  9. kerry
    August 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    I’d like to add:

    Commenters on a handful of websites, and the websites that allow commenters to be faceless, grammatically incorrect mean people.

    I visit a few…questionable…websites daily (People.com, ESPN come to mind) to get my fix on certain types of news, and nearly every time come away with heart palpitations at the pure meanness of people who comment on the stories there. I DO NOT LIKE that these websites allow racist, homophobic and mysoginistic comments to linger on their media. Sigh.

    • Army Amy
      August 29, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

      I have a love-hate relationship with websites/comment threads like that. They make me so mad, but I can’t stop reading! It’s crazy to me that people not only think such horrible things, but they also share their views!*

      • kindofamess
        August 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

        I wonder if they are just calmer people in real life because they spew so much vitriol online.
        Probably not.

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

      YES. Huffington Post, Consumerist and Jezebel are better, but then it’s just a smarter brand of mean….

  10. Jennifer
    August 29, 2011 at 4:27 pm #

    I have a friend, who is Canadian, that after living in the US for a few years has gotten over this (somewhat), but who would go on a rant-rave over the fact that servers aren’t paid a living wage, and how in Canada they are and that cost is built into the food, etc.

    Well, that’s great and all, but in the US it is not, and therefore you need to tip your server.

    I will note, that according to labor laws, if a server does not make enough tips on her shift to at least equal what regular minimum wage is per hour, then the employer has to make up the difference. /hr-hat

    • kindofamess
      August 29, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

      Oooo, good to know. Makes me feel better.

      Still, TWENTY PERCENT OR MORE, PEOPLE!

  11. Natasha
    September 7, 2011 at 6:58 am #

    Debates over tipping… Just an excuse for being cheap, which apparently many people are (unfortunately). And having tones of cash in the bank and not tipping or tipping only $1 – that’s not cheap, that’s actually cruel.

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