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The agony of defeat

So I had my 20 week sonogram on Tuesday. I spent the night before bouncing off the walls and talking too much, and the day-of feeling like I was going to throw up. The sono wasn’t just about finding out the sex, it was about whether Tater was growing correctly, had all the right parts, had ANY parts.

This was especially nerve-wracking because I hadn’t felt Tater move yet and hadn’t heard a heartbeat in four weeks. All kinds of horrid thoughts were swirling around and it was making me a bit loony. Loonier than usual. I was two steps away from pulling a Jessie Spano; “I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so…SCARED.” (If you did not get that reference, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You are very young and you are making me feel very old.)

My dad actually talked me down from the ledge a bit, which is strange because he’s usually not one for words of wisdom. He did say that “if it has three lungs, you just deal with it,” or something along those lines, so he wasn’t EXACTLY Dr. Phil but the effort was appreciated.

It wasn’t until about ten minutes before that I hit a calm-my old friend theatre zen. When I was acting, I’d get crazy nervous the day of the show until right before my entrance when my body would go, “Well. Ain’t sh*t we can do now, whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen. Let’s do this damn thing.” I missed you, theatre zen. You kept me from pooping my pants on stage lots of times. (Don’t worry, that reference is keeping in line with my baby mama promises.)

Anyway, Jethro and I headed to the OB and it was there that I made him finalize our bet. I’d been insisting that we bet on Tater’s sex because, as we all know, I knew Tater is a girl. He didn’t want to bet anything monetary, but I am not above wagering on my child. So we ended up betting an X-Box game for him and jewelry for me. Because Mama needs shiny things.

Except…Mama ain’t gettin’ sh*t.

Yup. My precious girl baby has a wee willie winkie.

I KNOW. I WAS SO SURE TOO!!!

…dammit.

Oh, I’m not sad about having a boy, I’ve actually always wanted a boy. Especially after working at a dance studio. Ever spend time a in room full of excited nine year old girls hopped up on cupcakes? It’s like standing in a barrel of baby spider monkeys with broken tails. Makes you want to set your hair on fire, just to shock them into silence…except they wouldn’t be quiet, even then. THEY ARE NEVER QUIET.

It’s just I really hate being wrong.

It didn’t help that when Jethro saw, he fist-pumped and was all, “STRONG LIKE BULL!”

Dammit.

Actually, “Dammit!” is what I yelled when I found out Tater was a boy because, again, I hate being wrong. Two seconds later, the sono tech said, “Oh! Look! He’s flipping us off!!”

Negative four months old and already needs a time-out.

So, yeah. A boy! And that exclamation point is not ironic; once I had a half hour to get used to the pronoun change, I got SUPER excited. STILL not pumped about being wrong (DAMMIT) but snuggly cuddly little boys? I am all over that.

And honestly, the only dream I’ve lost is buying a big poofy dress so I can play real live dress-up with my kid before she’s old enough to complain about it. I mean, I COULD do that with my little boy, but I’m not that progressive with my gender ideals yet. AND I live in Texas. We have jerks that will let a 2 year old have a firearm but will call CPS if I put my son in a pageant dress.

But other than yards of overly expensive tulle dripping with AB crystals (SPARKLE, BABY!) and other assorted frilly things, Tater is still my Tater. The kid was always destined to run around nekkid on the family farm and pee in the yard, boy or girl, because that’s what kids who grow up in the country do. There will still be sing-a-longs to show tunes, cookie baking and going exploring and poking weird things with sticks, because that’s what I do. And with Jethro for a father, fishing, being scared of hot things and shooting cow patties was always in the cards, no matter the sex. (Apparently you only shoot the dry ones. You hit a wet one and you gotta change your shirt. See what kind of things you learn when you read my blog? I’m like friggin’ Mr. Wizard up in here! YOU’RE WELCOME.)

Anyway, Tater’s lack of a bajingo changes nothing. And actually, I’m finding silver linings. Like the fact that everyone who has a son tells me how much little boys LOVE their mamas. (YES! ALL THE CUDDLES WILL BE MINE!!) And I don’t have to have that “you ALWAYS wipe front to back,” conversation on diaper changes with Jethro. (I tried once. It did not go well.) And if he’s straight, when it comes to dating, I get to be the intimidating parent! Now I just gotta learn to polish a rifle to scare those hussies off…

So lay it on me, moppets. Those of you who had brothers, do they really smell THAT bad when they hit ten? Moms of little boys, how often does the getting peed on ACTUALLY occur? Everyone in general, do you think I can still sneak him in as a girl in a pageant if I just make sure to change his diaper in private? (WHAT? I’m just askin’….)

42 Comments on “The agony of defeat”

  1. Emily
    March 1, 2012 at 7:53 am #

    Congratulations! I think he’s flipping you off because you tried poking him to get him to move.

    Also, I totally had a Jesse Spano moment this morning when it took me five minutes to look for a pair of underwear (and I still couldn’t find them, even after all that searching). Okay, so I’m more tightly-wound than most people, but the scene played in my head and I told myself to calm down about the undies.

    TMI?

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm #

      Undies can be a serious issue. I’ve had to buy bigger drawers to accommodate the belly and if I can’t find a pair of the new ones, I’m tempted to take a personal day.

      It has always been my mantra that if your underwear don’t fit right, or your feet hurt, you cannot have a good day. IMPOSSIBLE.

  2. Beylit
    March 1, 2012 at 8:23 am #

    I had to explain that very Jessie Spano moment to Morgan in the car the other morning on the way to faire. I felt incredibly old right then.

    And if Tater hadn’t flipped you off I would be questioning if it was actually your child or not.

    I have a brother and I don’t recall him ever smelling bad actually. Matt is a bit of an anomaly though as far as I am concerned. He skipped awkward and just passed into a combination of awesome and surly.

    And don’t they have something pageant like for little boys? Maybe my brain is lying to me this early in the morning but I could swear at some point I saw some sort of pageant that included little boys in mini tuxedos.

    • Trisha
      March 1, 2012 at 8:30 am #

      Tiny little tuxedos? Yes please!

      • kindofamess
        March 1, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

        THEY DO HAVE BOY PAGEANTS! My best friend Michael pointed out that because he’s a boy, he’ll ALWAYS win his division. Mostly because usually only one boy enters.

        Jethro is still opposed to pageants, though. He is NOT, however, allowed to be opposed to teeny tiny tuxedos. That I may or may not stone the lapels of with crystals….

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

      Oh, Morgan. SHE’S SO YOUNG. I hope you are teaching her the ways of the awesome.

  3. Erin
    March 1, 2012 at 8:26 am #

    They say boys treat their mamas best, but this isn’t an auspicious start — he didn’t even help you win the bet >:o
    By which I mean, so glad to hear you got a good report! Now he needs to start squirming really good so he’s in shape for his first baton twirling competition — I mean, er, warrior challenge.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm #

      Ooo! I found out why I haven’t felt him yet; I have an anterior placenta. Which is way more about my guts than you care to know, but basically he’s got a whole lot more to kick through before I feel him.

      And he can totally be a baton warrior; I rocked the sh*t out of my Get ‘n Shape Girl! baton set AND used it as a weapon when necessary.

  4. Trisha
    March 1, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    My step-brother wasn’t smelly, but then I only saw him every-other weekend. Maybe he was smelly the rest of the time.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

      I hear it’s less the actual child and more their room. However, Jethro has the most sensitive nose of anyone I’ve ever met, so maybe I’ll just let him deal with that.
      Or maybe Tater will get his nose and be so appalled at his own stank that he takes care of it himself. How awesome would THAT be?
      Oh, pipe dreams….

      • Miss V
        March 2, 2012 at 11:34 am #

        Dude. I have two brothers and some words of experience: the amount of stank radiating pig-pen style from the bedroom is directly correlated to the number of hours spent snacking while video gaming in the bedroom. Old food + no open windows = bad times.

        Outside of their bedrooms, they smell just fine. :)

  5. Ariel Meadow Stallings
    March 1, 2012 at 9:32 am #

    As I said when I found out I was having a boy: “Well, I guess this just means if I want more froofy tutus in my life, I’mma have to wear them myself!”

    I have made good on this promise, actually.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

      THIS IS BRILLIANT. I must implement this immediately…

  6. Jessica
    March 1, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    Congrats on getting through the ultrasound! I totally understand the nerve-wracking part of the days before. I have a 6 month little man and at first, I was nervous about what on earth I would do with a boy. Now, I’m looking forward to all of the boy stuff even more than I was the idea of poofy dresses and girly things. And yes, my little guy is super snuggly and loves his mama. He thinks his dad is the coolest most interesting thing ever, but he wants his mama for comfort and snuggles and I am happy to provide.
    Plus, I can’t wait to see him in a little bitty football uniform (assuming I’m brave enough to let him play!).

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

      Ooo! Another plus you made me think of, I can have a hockey player in the family and not have to fight any Title IX bullsh*t! Yay for the privileged sex!! :-)

  7. Ms. Bunny
    March 1, 2012 at 10:42 am #

    No experience with boys over here (only child), but I’m super excited for you (and would have been either way). But a little pissed on your behalf that Jethro won the bet. Alas, you’ll have a great kid and you can teach him to help you win bets in the future.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

      Thank you!

      And I’m glad you understand the happy/sad side of this story. And why this kid might be grounded for the first week of his life…

  8. Morgan
    March 1, 2012 at 11:23 am #

    Yay boy baby!

    Man, I’m jealous that your baby gave you the middle finger. Ours just gave us the thumbs up. Let’s hope it was satirical because we were trying to find out the sex at the time. Like, ‘haha, parents, I’ll show you something small and digit-like, but it’s not my (hypothetical) penis!’

    Hmm. Am I anthropomorphizing the fetus too much?

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

      Does it count as anthropomorphizing if it’s already human? Well, unless you’re having the pony I wanted and if so, we are in a FIGHT.
      We were a bit proud, though. The tech said she only sees those maybe once a year. He’s already a special little snowflake!

  9. Alison
    March 1, 2012 at 11:49 am #

    My brother is three years younger than I am and he has always been, probably will always be, my best friend in this entire WORLD. Even when he smelled. Luckily, he didn’t want to smell, so that was fixed relatively quickly.

    But yeah, when I introduce my brother to people, I always say, “This is Levi, and he is infinitely cooler than I will ever be, ” because it is true.

    Congrats on a health sonogram! :-D

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

      AWWW! That is so adorable!!

      Three years seems to be a good way to space kids out, Jethro and his sister are three years apart and they’re close enough to like each other, but not so far that they can’t relate.
      Also, it helps that his sister is bad-ass.

  10. kc
    March 1, 2012 at 12:15 pm #

    Yay for baby boys! I have 3 brothers. I can’t speak much for the older one but my little brothers (4 & 8 years younger) were great babies. Throw them in the backyard with some mud and trucks and they were good for hours. The littlest one did almost set the house on fire once, but I’m thinking that had less to do with him being boy and more to do with leaving fireworks where a 7 year old could get to them.

  11. Morgan
    March 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Ooh, also. http://www.agirlandaboy.com/journal/archives/003102.html I know you’re not mourning not having a girl, but the posts about the joy of boy babies made me all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm #

      I cannot wait to dive into these, thank you!

  12. Meghan
    March 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    BOYBOYBOYBOY!

    I only think girls are the best cause I have one. If I had a boy, I am sure I’d think that they were the best.

    YAYAYAYAYAY.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

      I am loving how excited you are, this makes me so happy!

      Also, I thought of you yesterday; Jethro forgot we were having a boy for a second and suggested “Zoe” as a name and I was like, “NOOO! That’s Meghan’s little baby! We can’t STEAL that!!” :-)

  13. Jen
    March 1, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    I know exactly what you are talking about. If I bet on a girl and it WASN’T a girl I would be pissed. Not because it was a boy, because they are awesome, but because that means he was right and I was wrong!!

  14. d-day
    March 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

    baaahahahahah he’s flipping you off already. dun dun DUNNNN.

    but YAY BOY! I am sorry you had to lose that bet, but I’m excited for you!

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

      Apparently it runs in the family. His dad and grandfather are pros at it. I’m in trouble. *sigh*

  15. Sarah Nelson
    March 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    I totally get the Jessie reference. And I DIED LAUGHING. Thank you. :)

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

      No, thank YOU for getting it. I played that clip about three times after I found it for the post and cackled manically every time.

  16. Kristy
    March 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    Bahahaha, your child *would* already be flipping you off in utero. Sorry you lost the bet (and probably your husband – to the tv/xbox for a week – if he’s anything like mine when he gets a new game). It’ll be a hoot, though. Boys are fun. I don’t remember my brother smelling, other than after soccer practice or playing outside; but who doesn’t smell after sweating? And if he gets your curly hair, there will be no hope for the ladies. None. Oh no, I can see it already. It might be best for me to not meet him or you might not get him back.

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm #

      Jethro SWEARS he’ll have straight hair, but I think my black people genes are gonna beat the crap out of his Irish white boy genes.

      And noted. Y’ALL! Remind me not to let Kristy play with the baby unless I need a break and WANT him snatched….

  17. JR
    March 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    My brother had a very smelly room (although it was very small and he was living with fish, a turtle, and a hamster–my suggestion is to keep the animals outside to avoid this). He wasn’t too smelly, but he did have this musty boy smell that came from his hair when I hugged him.

  18. kindofamess
    March 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

    Oh, Lord; fish a turtle AND a hamster? Your parents are saints. I don’t love my child that much, there will not be that many stinky animals in one room….

  19. Caitlin
    March 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    yaaaaayyyyyy tater’s a boy!!!!!!!!!!! you probably need a pee pee teepee. http://www.bippityboppitybaby.com/categories/Pee-Pee-Teepee-/?gclid=CLit9qCRx64CFeURNAodLX8eBw

    you’re welcome. :)

    • kindofamess
      March 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

      I LOVE THOSE!!

      I would make Tater wear them on his head, though…EVEN BETTER!!!

  20. Percy
    March 2, 2012 at 1:35 am #

    As a mum of a 4 month old boy, I can say that yes, yes you do get peed on that much. You just kinda get used to it, and you get very quick reflexes for covering it up as soon as the first drops appear!

    But oh, boys are just delicious.

    And as soon as he arrives he’ll stop being “a little boy” and start being “your little boy”, which makes all the difference.

  21. Jenny
    March 2, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    Yay! Congrats on having a boy!

  22. valery
    March 6, 2012 at 8:34 am #

    We just found out we’re having a boy too (our due dates are very similar)! I think we both wanted a boy but didn’t come out and say it and then had convinced ourselves it was a girl – so there was a mix of shock/excitement when we actually found out.
    Also I read your first paragraph and was going to comment about how I hadn’t been feeling much movement yet either and they told me I had an anterior placenta and then I saw you commented that you have one TOO!! Crazy similarities.
    As much as I love the “little boys love their mamas” I am hesitant to turn him into a mama’s boy, though. Is there a fine line there?

  23. VNikol
    March 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Thanks for the educational moment… soooo like freakin’ Mr. Wizard! And congrats on your lil guy, my gf just had a son on friday.. between the two of em’, she & her hubby have enjoyed 2hrs sleep since arriving home on Monday & a dozen or so diaper changes but they claim to have enjoyed every minute of it.. yes it’s their first. The bliss of ignorance to what lies ahead. ; ) Congrats to you & Jethro. Blessing indeed!

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