I’m currently getting my Master of Liberal Studies (with an emphasis on creative writing) and although I love it, I haven’t given it as much attention as I need to. I haven’t taken as many classes as I should. I haven’t applied myself the way I really need to and do the extra work I should in order to REALLY get everything out of this opportunity that I need to.
Yet, I’m still sittin’ on a 3.85, suckas…
So this semester I WILL do better. I’m moving school up higher on my list of priorities and will rock it out in class and beat down those assignments until they tremble at the mere mention of my name.
(Heh. That just brought to mind sheets of paper suddenly whimpering and quivering in fear, with the paperclip suddenly unwinding itself and knocking over pencils and pens as it runs away… Think about it for a sec, it’s fun.)
However, the first day of class is always nerve-wracking. And it’s not a matter of being nervous about going into class or meeting people. I can talk to a tree stump, that’s never a problem. And I’m a theatre kid, so exuding fake confidence in uncertain situations is like breathing. It’s all the unknowns and the possibilities – good or bad.
I know the professor so he shouldn’t be an issue, but what if he decides he doesn’t like me? I missed a buttload of class last semester due to my broken face, will he remember that and resent me?? What about the other students? Will I like them? Am I going to be the youngest one in there AGAIN? I’m going to be sharing my writing with them, writing that’s way different from blogging. What if they don’t like it? What if they like it at first but by the end think I suck?? What if they don’t like ME? What if they’re MEAN to me?!? What is they hate me and steal my juice box at snack time or tear up my Lisa Frank folder?!?!?
Hello, neurosis, my old friend…
These things most likely won’t happen. I’m going to like the class just fine, the people are going to be perfectly nice with a few sprinklings of awesome and suck, the teacher will be just as good as he was last year and I will be just fine. I always get nervous about class and it always ends up being fine. But see….that’s the other problem. I don’t want to be just fine. I want to be AMAZING.
I want my work and my stories to shine and glitter like literary diamonds in a sea of paste. I want people to stop in their tracks after hearing my work; to look at each other and shake their heads, awed and amazed. I want my professor to slowly take off his reading glasses at his desk after reading my paper; to lean back in his chair, tears glistening, as he thinks, “Yes. Finally. It’s now all been worth it.” I want adulation, accolades and possibly a pony for my superior work. I wanna be the BESTEST EVAR!!
Clearly, judging from the previous paragraph, I have a ways to go.
So, in anticipation of the reception of my scholastic achievements, I sit with my doubts and fears and stew. And wish I had my teddy bear handy, because I could really use his ear to whisper secrets into right now…
Instead, I turn to you, my moppets. How do you handle first ______ jitters? Other than just telling yourself to calm the f*ck down and stop being such a nervous little tit….